Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Struthio camelus mortuus est

"Miserere Dominus, miserere Dominus, Struthio camelus mortuus est."

On Halloween of 2006, in a field in San Mateo County, Gaylord was taken from us when a pair of youths decided it would be fun to pester a dignified gentleman of middle years. Hatched in 1996, Gaylord attended Half Moon Bay Arts Academy and later went on to earn an applied arts degree in modern dance through the prestigious Ostrich Correspondence School, located in Los Angeles.
Well known for his curmudgeonly demeanor, Gaylord will be remembered for his grace and artistic approach to life, as well as the way he cared for his home and family, and for his love of local produce. A frequent shopper at the farmer's market, he was most often seen browsing through bins of tomatoes, apples, and brussles sprouts, which he greatly enjoyed sharing with his family.
Gaylord is survived by his two spouses, Apple and Tomato.
A memorial service is planned for November 10 at 1 PM, at St. James Cemetery; a small gathering will be held at the home of Apple and Tomato immediately following the service. Anyone wishing to honor Gaylord's memory may do so by making contributions to the Gaylord Memorial Fund.

Note: This obituary is in not meant to be offensive in any way. Sincere condolences and apologies to Tomato, Apple, their caretaker, and, of course, Gaylord. And shame, shame, shame on the young men who killed him! Further proof that gun control is indeed an excellent idea.

1 comment:

Rachael said...

Great job with the faux obituary, Ilana!