Friday, March 7, 2008

Keeping Up Appearances

No. This has nothing to do with Mrs. Bucket-pronounced-Bouquet.
I've never believed in using blogs as a way to air dirty laundry or ramble about grievances, but sometimes it just makes you feel better to get things off your chest while the beast that is the I-net provides a modicum of anonymity.
Anyway, today I got a message out of the blue from someone I thought was out of my life permanently. Friends move, friends "break up", friends change allegiances, and then they come back and lay the blame at each other's feet for inexplicable reasons.
Say, for instance, someone does something you think isn't necessarily a good idea and, while you don't attack them outright for making a not-so-good decision, you refuse to participate in activities revolving around the not-so-good decision because any participation on your part makes it seem like you agree that what's going on is a brilliant idea. The person in question then stops speaking to you after you offer an explanation, even though you're not actually obliged to give one; for well over a year, you hear nothing further and consider the friendship dead, so you write it off. Yes, like taxes.
So, at some point, you get a message from the person asking if you're talking to them yet. And this leaves you scratching your head because, far as you can remember, who weren't the one who stopped talking. How, then, are you to react? Do you lash out and lay blame and say, "No, no, no, no, I'm not the one who did X, Y, and Z! YOU blah-blah-blah-de-blah-de-blah"?
It's a picklement, as Piers Anthony has been known to write. It really is.


Rachael said...

I meant to comment on this last week, but I was using someone else's computer to check the internet out and so things went awry and I didn't...

I've had a very similar thing happen to me about five years ago. I "broke up" with a friend because she lied to me repeatedly about many and sundry things and then starting asking mutual friends of ours to lie to me about what she was up to as well... Needless to say, they didn't go along with that, so I found out all about everything and when I confronted her, she continued to lie until she absolutely couldn't continue to do so because I said, "I know everything, so why don't you just admit it." And then, she refused to apologize because she said she wasn't sorry about what she did, just that I had found out and was upset. Still, I told her that she could still talk to me, I just didn't trust her anymore, but she was too ashamed, I think, and so didn't speak to me again after that, until about a year ago when she sent me a message through myspace, saying that she hoped that I had forgiven her and would talk to her again, because little hypocrite that she was, she'd been "talking" to a guy at her church about it and "praying on it." (Normally, I wouldn't mock people for that sort of thing, but trust me, she's a total hypocrite when it comes to her religion.) She reiterated that she was not sorry for what she had done, or that she had lied, only that I had been upset by it all, yet again. Whatever, man. I deleted the message and did not send a response. I didn't think it merited one really.

I also understand about not being able to condone someone's decisions and actions. When my parents separated and then later divorced (thankfully, they've gotten back together and remarried since then), I did not approve. I thought they were being total idiots... which, turns out, they were... I couldn't help my dad move out, even though he asked me to. And I couldn't console my mother. I felt like to do either thing would make it seem that I was okay with it all and I really wasn't okay with it. So I totally understand that kind of situation... It sucks!

Anyway, I hope things settle out for you and your former friend, whether you choose to contact them back or not.

La Duchesse said...

It's hard because the person in question had a really nice side, but at the same time the not-so-nice side made it unpleasant to spend time/socialize with her. At this particular point I really have no interest in dealing with that, especially in light of her blaming me for the rift. I'm not going to say, "Oh, everything's fine and it's all my fault" just because she wants another person to pat her on the back and tell her what she did was all fine and dandy. Since I'm unwilling to accept that... well, see above. Thank you for the encouragement and support though. *hug*

Rachael said...

*nods and hugs*

La Duchesse said...

I'm sorry about what happened between you and your friend. It seems like people in general seem to feel that they won't get caught in the proverbial web, and when they *do* get caught, they just try to lie their way out of that, too. *mews* I think you did right.

Rachael said...

We were really close at the time and I think it was worse because of that. Yeah, I think you're right... Thanks!